Well this year I decided my asshole friends didn't deserve me spending money throwing THEM a fucking party, feeding them and paying for them to get drunk, so I didn't have my usual yearly get together. I was pissed off at them and their complete ignoring of me.
They didn't notice.
In fact, not a single one of them even bothered to text me, clearly nobody actually remembered it was my birthday, further proving my point that they never actually gave a shit about me.
I'm trying not to let it get me down but honestly it has got me feeling pretty down.
While family at least tried, it hurts to have no friends, not a single friend to wish you a happy birthday. It furthers my feeling of isolation and loneliness. I have.. no friends and that really really is eating away at me. What's wrong with me? What makes me so unlovable that I can't have friends? Why don't these people care about me?
I'm trying very hard not to let the nasty troll in my head tell me "it's because you're a piece of shit and nobody will ever love you because you suck" but it's hard to silence it. It's nagging at me. "your friends forgot, only your sister in law bothered to send you a happy birthday message/text, nobody else remembered."
So i'll try to focus on the positive.
Husband made actual effort, though i did have to get a bit passive aggressive about the whole "no you can't get away with not buying me anything you moron" thing. Still, it was sweet to see him make effort and actually get me gifts.
We had a lovely day out in London and a nice dinner. We drank a lot, we had a good time. It was really fun.
I had a nice birthday.
Mum took me out for high tea the following day as a treat, which was also lovely.
but still it nags at me. "your friends forgot."