I never thought when I got my perscription filled to count my pills. I just assumed they'd given me the correct amount and got on with my day, particularly after it was such a chore to get the damn things in the first place.
Yesterday as I pulled the foil pack out of the box I realised with horror that I only had enough to last me till Tuesday. "how'd I go through them so fast?" I thought, and then I started to do the maths.
My pills have the following written on the box: "take 1 pill twice daily for one week, moving up to 4 pills twice daily after a month". Which means that after the initial month of slowly increasing my dose by 2 pills a day, I should have been on 8 a day by this point.
I'm on 6, because i'm doing it slower than recommended so I can see the effects and not faint from my bp dropping too rapidly.
But the fact remains that by this point I should be on 8 a day.
8 pills a day for a month is 224 pills, or 8 boxes of 28. I was given 3 boxes when I had my script filled. Just three, which is 84 pills, about 11 days worth at maximum listed dosage.
So, it's a long weekend this week so nothing will open again till Tuesday. So I rushed out to the chemist today to talk to them about it and hopefully get the rest I was owed.
So I went in and explained the situation and my maths, and the pharmasist was completely unsympathetic. She told me "You have to speak to your doctor about increasing the maximum prescribed number of pills" and I pointed out the pills specifically said on the front on the bit they print out with my name and details and instructions for dosage says "4 twice daily" so a month's supply would be 8 packs of 28 going by what it SAYS on the front of the box on the thing THEY printed out and stuck on it.
"You have to ring the doctor on tuesday"
But she took over a week to give me my script last time! I have enough to last till tuesday, I have no wriggle room! can you give me an emergency script to cover me till I can get this fixed? (basically I needed just one week worth of meds to cover my doctor's lazy ass incompetence) but nope. "We can't do that."
"It's not been a month since your last script was filled, we cannot give you any more pills."
She wouldn't budge and I could feel myself starting to break down. So I left and had a cry outside the bakery.
I KNEW there would be some screw up, some way to make this even harder for me but good god, I didn't think to count my fucking pills. I was so relieved to just HAVE them I didn't think to count them. I've only been on these things like 2 or 3 months, I haven't gotten used to the farce that is repeats and haven't yet worked out what point I need to order a repeat in order to get new pills. I can't do it weeks in advance apparently, I have to time it very precisely and that's near impossible because it then takes my doctor SO LONG to give the script to the chemist. I can only order a repeat if I have less than a week left ok? but it takes my doctor OVER a week to write the damn script out and send it back to the chemist. So every single month I end up having to chase up my pills and end up with a few days of NO MEDS because of this bullshit.
And now i'm going to cry again.
I rang my dad anyway, because he knows about this kinda shit. He said we'll try the emergency chemist tomorrow but i'm not even convinced they'll be open on a sunday or will give me the damn pills.
I just feel like the universe doesn't want me on medication, like.. i'm just supposed to have stupidly high blood pressure and have a stroke or something. I just want to throw up my hands and give up, because this shouldn't be THIS hard. I cannot face a lifetime of this bullshit, i'd sooner just fucking die.
I'm tired and depressed again, i'm stressed again, I feel like they're trying to make it "all my fault" and that yet again i'll have to fight and fight and I don't have the energy or the strength to do so. I cannot keep doing this, I just can't.
I feel like I have no control over anything, i'm at the whim of two asshole "professionals" who couldn't care less about me or my health. The victim of endless bureaucratic crap.
Why the hell did my doctor limit my meds to well under the dosage SHE prescribed? Is she just fucking with me? Is this to spite me for being rude to her bitch receptionist and nagging her for a week to write the script? Am I being punished for trying to get help?
I don't want to do it any more, none of it. I just can't face this shit any longer. But it hurts because even the professionals don't care, even the people who are paid to care don't care and how shitty does that make me if not even people paid to care can do so? How much of a piece of worthless shit must I be if not even a fucking doctor or a chemist will help me?
I just want to give up, I've already given up on ever getting help for various of my other medical problems, i'll just fall apart quietly in the corner like clearly i'm supposed to.